#32 Anti - Model

You really do have a choice in the grand scheme of things. However, not having the knowledge of this principle, you'd most likely end up making the wrong choices.

I see myself as someone who reflects and introspects a lot, and last year during my introspection, I asked myself a question: "How did I get here?"

One of the few answers that occurred to me is something I want to share today.

While the audience that needs it the most are younger ones, but because my readers are people like me, I will make it relatable and relevant to you.

But if you have younger siblings, please share with them.

Going into it

I remember very early in my life, I already had a mind of my own to know that I didn't want my life to look like the 'egbons' I had around me, living in our street then that I was a little close to, close enough to not assume wrongly.

I played football as a fun sport while in secondary school, but I stopped doing that back in my street, because the guys I shared the field with didn't fit the people that were part of the clique I was wishing to be part of at my secondary school then - The nerds.

“People focus on role models; it is more effective to find antimodels - people you don't want to resemble when you grow up”

― Nassim Nicholas Taleb

More than 10 years later, I saw some of these guys still playing football on that same field, and I asked myself, what changed for me?

Then I realized I just wanted my life to look like the environment I wished to get into compared to the environment that was available to me that I'd been part of for a long time.

Knowing that alot of our Today make-up stems from our upbringing and the environment we are part of during our childhood, it takes grace to understand that you can act contrary to the options that are available to you.

There is a hierarchy of influence during our childhood : Parents - School - Environment.

The first and most important foundation that influences our self-esteem growing up is our parents.

Hence why most people who didn't have a parent or had an irresponsible parent are suffering from so many emotional imbalances. I feel like I'm drifting away, so let me get back on track.

If you have a responsible parent and the other two did not influence you very negatively, consider yourself to be very lucky. I was lucky to check the first two, but a lot was just not right with the environment at my own time.

Environment plays a big factor as well. It influences what you are exposed to, which can even be greater than what they are educating you on in schools. (I was just knowing what they call the big 4 during my final year in uni.)

For the school part, people you look up to and those laterally can literally influence you.

I remember there were expectations of me from my parents and some of the school staff I looked up to, to get the first position from the females who were always getting it. I don’t think I ever did (always coming second/third), but I ended up being the head boy, which was some sort of consolation lol.

Speaking of my parents, they had their lovable and unlovable aspects, but I spent most of my time observing what I could pick and what I could drop.

Today I wear a Rolex wristwatch and necklace (shoutout to my friend- Adetola for gifting me the latter) not because I am particularly interested in 'bling bling' (if you know me, you'd know I hate to be conspicuous), but because my dad never did, and it was something my mom wished he did.

Today I give out love in a great measure to people around me, compared to the one that existed between my parents, because I do not want to settle for their own standard of love, and I also understand that for me to attract a higher standard of love, I have to give it.

Tell you what, becoming the opposite of what you have been familiar with is really difficult because now you have to go outside to seek sources instead of just feeding in on the myriads of info you have, which you've concluded that it's not healthy for you.

You will eventually become who you used to criticize if you are not intentional about working on ‘not’ being them.

Nezzar

One of the rude awakenings that I've had over the years is that I never think it can’t happen to me.

This fact has allowed me to be more grateful for my situation, practising empathy for those facing such situations and putting in systems that won’t allow me to be in their shoes unless it’s divine.

For the latter, I've learned to take responsibility for my choices in the present to influence what may happen in the future. It's a principle that I learned very early in my life, from my dad. (I wrote more on it in past blog posts.)

Taking responsibility is literally leadership in a big sense. Hence why that topic will continue to fascinate me, and I'll continue to seek ways to get better at it.

Leading yourself or others is literally being a beacon of change. You've seen ahead what the consequences might be if you do nothing/if people don’t do anything, and then you choose to do something/take initiative about it.

Hence, when you don't want your future to turn out like someone's present that you witnessed, you should want to know the variables that caused that and find ways to tweak or change it.

However, be warned too, as there is no fun in always optimizing you to fit the ideal 'you'. That's what has been causing me some emotional turbulence lately, but I've accepted my reality that that's what needs to be done.

Another example of me using the anti-model principle is 'Leveraging Humour.'

This is something I've figured out about people: I enjoy being in their presence or even listening to them, and I’ve learned to replicate that by using humour subtly in my interactions with people, which I’m always trying to get better at.

Figure out what exactly someone has that makes them enjoyable to you. If you eventually find it, integrate it into your life, you surely will be enjoyable to others as well.

Nezzar

Tony Stark, to Peter Parker in Spider-Man: Homecoming Movie said "Don't do anything I would do. And definitely don't do anything I 'wouldn't' do. There's a little grey area there, that's where you operate"

I hope you get to figure out the Grey Area and work towards it.

Thank you so much for spending 10 minutes of your time reading this.

Until next month when another blog post drops,

Cheers 🥂